Lakegirl…...Here are my thoughts...….
The fondest dream of every alcoholic is to be able to drink normally, like non-alcoholics. To think of never having another drink...ever again...is like telling a goldfish that they will never see a drop of water, again.
I am gathering that he is not attending any kind or sobriety program...Just "white knuckling" it..?
If this is so...then, he is just going on sheer will-power...and, the likelihood for relapse is very, very high....and, you are going to need your contingency plan.
You are not an alcoholic, so you don't know what it is like inside of the alcoholic brain....the "alcoholic voice" is whispering to him, 24/7...it is a constant battle between the voice and himself....when stress and psychic discomfort comes, in life, and there is no program to give him the tools that he needs...reaching for the drink is like a spinal reflex..
His thinking might not seem logical to you...without an alcoholic brain....but, to him....with the alcoholic brain and messed up neurotransmitters...it is absolutely logical....
The two of you are on separate. but parallel tracs...the way I see it...
Your first priority is to protect your kids....
His priority is to protect his ability to drink...
None of this is about him drinking against you....he probably has no desire to hurt you (even though it does)...he is still controlled by his disease....it is just what alcoholics do....untreated--the compulsion to drink is very, very powerful....
This is my person opinion.....that, when the alcoholism begins to affect your life and that of your children, then, you have a right to do whatever it takes that is in your own welfare, and, that of your children.....
The way I see it, you have the right to tell his parents the truth, when it becomes necessary for your own welfare....
Actually, he already knows that you will have to tell your parents why you are bringing the kids over in such an precipitous way....
If he wants, he has the right to beat you to punch, and tell them yourself...but, I really doubt that he will do that without you pressuring him to do it....
In any case...if he tells them, under pressure...or you tell them, by default....he will be resentful and probably "blame" you, in his mind.
Anyone who comes between an alcoholic and their ability to drink, comfortable, is resented...even if they are a loved one...…
Any way you cut it...you still have to think of your long-term welfare and that of your kids....You can't count on him...because alcoholism is controlling him.....
If you would like to understand more about how alcoholism works....you might like to read "The Alcoholic Brain"...by Kuhar….it contains the latest research on the subject.....
You might like to read about how the alcoholic works, psychologically....I suggest the articles written by Floyd P. Garrett...
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
There are several other similar articles by Garrett....look under "Origional Papers"...on the right hand side of the webpage.....