Old 05-30-2018, 06:18 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
entropy1964
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Oh my gosh that would be terrifying. I have had some serious crazy happen when in a black out and its not a huge leap for me to see something awful like that happening to me. I mean, I'm blacked out. Gone.

But in order to recover I have to put the past in the past. That shame and fear will only keep me tethered to my addiction. There's the good ole serenity prayer....the courage to do what I can, and let go of what I can't impact.

You can impact getting tested for STD's as was mentioned. Just do that, don't ponder it. It sounds like you had friends who were with you. Know that you do have the right to tell the police, have your friends help you with the details of the 'where's' and the 'who's'. I know that is stressful. I had to report an assault, thankfully only physical, 4 days after it happened. I barely remembered a thing...but when I finally went to the hospital for treatment (broken ribs and nose) they had a detective speak with me. It didn't really accomplish much but they were very understanding. The assault also happened in my house which was really scary cause the person knows where I live. So they had a patrol guy around my place at night for about a week. It just felt 'better' even tho I was pretty sure nothing would come of it. Ugh.

I have done a lot of REALLY sketchy things when drunk. I have these memory bubbles, where stuff will just pop up from the past. And I'll have that 'oh GAWD' feeling. That 'I can't believe I did that or that happened' feeling. That shame starts to charge back. But I stop it. THAT was THEN. THIS is NOW. It is over and done. I NEVER have to feel that or do that again. EVER. I never have to be that person again. As long as I stay sober. I dunno. I find relief in that. There is no relief in shame.
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