Mp, you don't need the hurt or the lies. I understand where you are coming from. I thought that I could make someone better and I really, really tried--ultimately it's their decision to seek help. We think that we can help, but really we are powerless. If they choose not to seek help, that's their choice and they get to own it.
Work on making yourself better--and I know that struggle, too. Hang in there; we're going to come out on the other side and be so much stronger. Big hugs to you.