Not in recovery, far from it!
My RAH has stopped many times over the years and it never lasted long. The second to last time he quit for a year but did not work any programs. I had suggested he get help and he wanted to try it on his own one more time (which basically means fail). He did not want to go to AA because our town is not that big and because of his work he knows a lot of people. Now I know that he did not want it out in the open because he was not really serious about recovery. And when he quit drinking he was basically just a drunk without alcohol to cope. So all his behaviors and attitudes were the same and probably worse because he could not drink
He went to mandatory rehab 1.5 years ago and has been doing well sobriety wise. I was at my rock bottom and told him he had to seek treatment or I was gone. He was at a point where he himself was close to being ready to quit so that helped. since then we have both learned that substance is only a very small part of the problems and stopping the substance does not mean recovery. Recovery means changing his behaviors, learning coping skills etc. He now goes to many AA meetings in town and is very open about his problem. Unfortunately it damaged our relationship a lot on my end and we are still splitting up. I have also had to change my codependent ways and am finally being true to my own feelings. I tend to be a people pleaser so always worrying about everyone else's feelings and not my own. It has been hard because I feel guilt over not being able to get past this now that he is clean and has changed a lot. But things changed while he was an active alcoholic at least from my end. I feel like I should like him because he is not a bad guy at all. But once the feelings are gone it's hard to get back
I hope you are going to alanon or at least individual counseling so that you will learn that his issues have nothing to do with what you do or don't do. They try and make us believe that because if only we did "insert blank" then maybe they will stop drinking. Read codependent no more as well.
And switching to pills etc just means he changed his addiction although chances are good he is still drinking as well. and I am sorry, but installing cameras in your house without telling you??? I think I would be done at that point.
You cannot change him and no matter how nice you are to him it won't make him quit. At least not long term. Maybe short term to lull you into a false sense of security so you won't leave.
Like others say, if someone is really in recovery you will know, they will work a program and not sneak around.
I would probably proceed to move on without him. And if by some sort of miracle that wakes him up and he gets serious about recovery then you can always reconsider. But even with that he would need to be in true recovery for at least a year. But he does not sound like he is ready.
I'm sorry you are going through this. But start taking care of you. I am not much of a counseling person but I would have been lost without it these past 1.5 years. You can be doing everything "right" and it won't make a difference for him unless he is willing to change himself. Not sure how old your kid is but being in an environment like that is no good for him.