mamabear26

I need help/advice on how to deal with my ex-mother-in-law.

Back story: My ex-in-laws both enable my STBAXH. AXH is the youngest out of their two boys. Their older son is 34 and my X is 31. Both live at home with them. Both have women who spend the night there. Both sons' are alcoholics. My ex-brother-in-law is gang affiliated. Both sons' have children who don't live with them. My ex-mother-in-law has enabled my X since he was a teen with his drinking. She would go and look for him when he would take off all night drinking and bring him back home to me. I would kick him out constantly because of his drunken behaviors. He of course would go and stay with her, where she would convince him I was being unreasonable. She has always had this type of jealousy because my mom the majority of the time babysit our sons when we would go out for dinner or events. I would ask her sometimes.

Recent Issues: Since we have separated which was about 2 years ago. Her behavior has shifted towards my sons. Last year in January 2017 the school clerk told me that my XMIL took my older food while he was in class. They called him out of class to go to the office to get it and he didn't want it. She never asked me if it was okay to go and do that. The next month after that my older sons told me XMIL showed up after school and starting walking home with him and his friends but as soon as they started to get close to my house she left. I called her and asked her to call/text me if she would like to see the kids. She did this a 2nd time after that I told her to ask me first. In March 2018 she showed up to my parents house to bring me a thermometer because my son was sick. We ended up having a harsh conversation in the front yard about what nonsense that has being going on at her house regarding my X. I told her that I know that he is still continuing to drink at a high amount. Her response was "its not happening around the kids." I also mentioned to her that I know that he has been having a female visitor there. Her response again was "its not having around the kids". The only reason I mentioned about him having a female there because the night before I had to take my son to the ER. I texted him and he sent a quick response back around 10pm and never showed up because his female visitor was spending the night with him. She lied for him saying "he was asleep" and that's why he didn't show up. At the end of our conversation, I told her that I didn't want my sons around the smoking, drinking and random women. She told me that they were not going to be around them. She has shown up several times to my parents house and my parents a very uncomfortable with it. She sent me a text saying she saw my car at church and was "thanking God that I attended church so that God could help my pain." Then asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her for clothes for my boys. I was confused??? I never responded. She continued to send me and my mom texts for Easter. She sent me a text telling me that my son was not responding to her texts. I didn't respond any of her latest texts. SO Yesterday I threw my older son a birthday party at my house. My X was aware of it. XMIL decided to show up during the party unannounced again to bring my son a card for his birthday?? She had allll day long to bring him a card but waited until 6:30pm to come by and seeing cars parked in front of my house. I told my X this morning what happened he said he would talk to her because he didn't agree with what she did. I'm so tired and fed up with my XMIL behavior. I have had to deal with it for the past 13 years. She continues to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I feel like I have no respect as their grandchildren's mother. It worries and scares me that she will try to take the boys from me (her following my son after school). I've been very vocal about my concerns going on in her house and have been very firm and direct with her about her odd behavior towards my kids. Its one thing to enable her son's behavior but I feel like she needs to step back and leave my children alone and focus solely on her children. I understand she is their grandma but I've explained to her there are boundary lines that we all need to learn how to respect. I don't know what else to do???