Leelee168

I think the "survive dangerous situations" is key to why we don't leave. We're trying to survive and sometimes that takes all of our energy; there's just nothing leftover to think about how we would get out.

From personal experience, I was trying to just keep everyone (me and the dog) safe on a daily basis and it took a huge amount of effort to do that and also go to work and get my job done and not get fired. I had the suitcase packed and hidden and had copies of all of my important papers in my desk at work, just as I had read to do on all of the abuse sites. I had money. I kept believing that I could manage the situation and keep everyone safe until he would finally get help.

Then came the day that I did not know if I could keep myself safe because the situation had deteriorated so much, and so quickly. I cannot explain that intuition, other than it was there and it was stronger than anything I had ever felt before. I wasn't thinking about leaving with my pre-packed suitcase after he passed out; I did not know that I would make it through the rest of the night in one piece given how violent he had become. I just know that I picked up a phone, hid in a closet, and dialed 911 and the police came and that action changed a situation that I absolutely believe would have ended in a much, much different way.

After he was taken away, I worried about how angry he would be. I called a friend and she was concerned about me and all I could think of was how p***ed he was going to be with me. I was, again, anticipating how I could keep myself safe. It's what I knew and lived for a long time. It's ludicrous to me now that I would have worried about him when I was faced with that kind of danger and I realize how much his addiction, and the resulting violence, truly did impact me.