Hugs.
I feel your pain. It's not easy. I separated a year ago and am now in the middle of my divorce. It's not easy. This disease of addiction turns everything on its head. What makes sense in the world of marital vows is turned upside down. In health and in sickness right? But how do I stay with someone when my being there is contributing indirectly to their sickness ? How do I watch someone go down because of their choices and stay with them in sickness ? How do you love someone under the influence when that is not the person you committed to ? It's tough to separate the disease from the person especially when this disease is progressive and the person you married will slowly fade away. If you believe in god, stay in prayer. Ask him to show you his will for you. Healing will come. Ask yourself that when your partner is in the middle of his cravings , is he putting you first? I saw the disease progress. My husband still blames me for leaving him. He feels that I left him. I left his disease. He wasn't willing to get the help. Someday , in my heart in a thousand years - I will be able to leave him. Till then I just ask to give me the strength to get through this.