Please contact a DV hotline, he may not be beating you physically but he is emotionally abusive and you don’t feel safe. That’s just as much abuse as physical. But since you cannot see physical evidence poeple tend to worry about it less (including the people being abused emotionally).
I think alanon would be helpful but I also think that individual counseling might me much better right now. Anyway you can go to counseling or alanon during your work day?
As are manipulative and often tend to be wonderful people to the outside world while at home things are much different (actually I think that goes for a lot of abusers in general). That doesn’t mean it isn’t happening to you and that you fear for your safety. DV center can help you take the right steps.
And you’re not sleeping with him because he’s not a proper husband, not because you’re not a proper wife. Don’t let him gaslight you. You shouldn’t have had to ask him about doing the dishes on mother’s day. He should’ve done that without being asked. Nothing you did or said was unreasonable at all. He’s just making you believe it and doubt yourself (gaslighting).
This isn’t going to get better, it will only get worse. If you fear for your safety if you go to an alanon meeting or contact a DV violence ็enter then you are not safe. Please take care of yourself. The threats and emotional abuse is exactly why so many people stay in abusive relationships, because they fear what happens to them when they finally take a stand. That’s why it is so important for you to contact DV hotline, they can help you. Call from work/ a friend house etc. You can’t keep living like this. You did nothing wrong. You got clean and sober and he probably doesn’t like that because now you see him for what he is.
You also can’t take care of your parents in your current situation. Everyone would be at risk.
I know this is really scary for you. Taking the first step will be hard but you deserve to not be afraid and be treated like crap. Do you have a friend you can confide in so someone knows what is going on?
Please call the hotline. You deserve better than this!