Originally Posted by Looking4Clues

Hi Broken,

I’m in the process of ending a relationship with a closeted high functioning A as well. Mine always tried to get me to drink with him too even though I’ve never been much of a drinker. I think it helps them to feel better about their habits if they can get others to join them. Over the course of our relationship, I saw him go from sweet, loving, and committed to selfish, irritable, and unreliable. The final straw was when he freaked out a few Saturdays ago and cancelled our plans together because he just “had to do his own thing” (translation: “Go drink what I want and as much as I want with my guy friends without you around to judge.”) When I questioned his logic, he said that he loves me but is tired of me always wanting to do things and spend time together while he’d rather do his “own thing.” (This guy is 39 btw). Basically, he loves and values himself, his fun and his booze more than me or our relationship. OUCH.

So I can relate to the feeling of wanting someone to “come back,” but is it the man he REALLY is that you miss or just the polished version of him that he presented in the beginning? Because like someone above said, any guy who breaks up with his girlfriend because he’d rather get smashed with his buddies is not someone capable of having a mature, healthy relationship in the first place.