Angry with myself for being weak
So this happened today. Our family has a busy day of appointments. DD9 and DS12 have dentist at 3.15pm. Then DS12 has audiologist at 4pm at the hospital. DD20 has counselling at 2-3pm. I have grocery shopping to do. AH has a client to see at 5pm. So we decided this morning that I would take DD20 to counselling and fit the shopping in the hour she’s there. AH was to take the youngest two to the dentist then straight to the hospital. Then he’d drop them off before seeing his client.
As I’m leaving the house to take DD20 I notice an empty glass on the kitchen counter with an ice cube in it. One sniff confirms it had contained gin. I drove to the counselling session but could not get the fact that AH had been drinking out of my mind and he was due to drive the kids to their appointments. I rang my mum and asked her to collect DD20 so that I could go home. Forgot the shopping. AH was on his second gin when I got back. Surprised to see me but he didn’t argue, when I said I’d take the kids to the dentist as my mum was in town and collecting DD20 now. I chickened out of telling him the real reason I came home and changed our plans.
I should have confronted him and told him that him driving our children around after two gins was unacceptable. But I didn’t. Partly because I have I’m my head not to argue with someone that’s intoxicated. But I’m angry for being so weak. For not finding my voice. Should I wait until the morning and bring up the topic again? I just don’t know if there’s any point in even having the discussion with him because I know I’ll get nothing back except aggro. Denial that it’s a problem, anger from him mockery from him sarcasm from him. He’ll tell me I’m over reacting being over dramatic and ridiculous.
Sorry to vent I just felt I had nowhere else to turn.
I’m planning to leave one day. it’s just that I don’t know when. It’s hard being the one that has to turn everyone’s world upside down.