Awww hon,
I know it's hard! We've all flip flopped. I did for a long time and even still to this day, I'm wondering what the heck I really was to xabf (in his mind). A Mom? A future wife? A babysitter?
I didn't mean to hurt ya in anyway and I apologize if I did. You have lost alot in a short period of time and MAN, can I relate to that. It feels like (for me, n'ways) I've lost it all. All my family......all my hope and reason. It's tough to start over again without the key role models in your life. You feel all alone.
I've told people that I felt like an orphan at age 42. Both my parents were gone. There was nobody left that remembered my birth. My most inner being, whom I really was and then I realized that God did! He knew me before I was born.
Then, I start to venture out there in the world feeling alone and vulnerable, making total decisions on my own and being judged for them. If I can just get to the point to where I listen to MY inner voice and block out the negatives that people tell me.......then, I'd be doing fine.
I feel like if I get married again someday, I'll be judged cuz I've been married/divorced twice. I feel like if someday I may live with someone, I'll be judged because we're not married. People can't understand why I divorced my 2nd husband after 15 years because he was "so nice". Yeah, but we stopped communicating and he wanted a different future then I did. They don't know that and they don't need to know that. I'm not gonna call down my ex......why should I? We're still great friends. I appreciate advice to the max. It's the "that's not right" thing that bugs me. It's my life.
And, Savana, it's your life, too. So you gotta listen to that inner voice of your own. Maybe you'll fall again, maybe you want, but atleast you're strong enough to pull yourself back up, learn from it and move on.
I'm proud of ya, sweetheart! ((hugs))