See, during our last time apart I did work on myself. Was seeing a therapist and came to the very important conclusion that I cant change or control someone. This was always my biggest personal issue - that I work on daily but it was a very liberating feeling to realize this. This is one of the things that made the last 5 months so great was that I never tried to control his decisions- he made good decisions on his own for the 5 months until his family disowned him for refusing to babysit his 20 year old little sister in our 1 bedroom apartment. This stress and guilt, unfortunately, triggered his relapse.
While he has put me through BS. our good times have always outweighed the bad which is why it took me until the past 6 months to realize that it isn't changing. That if he is going to get better he needs to take the effort and journey alone.
I would never wish him to be hit by a truck! That is a lot of anger. I live a life of forgiveness, sometimes it's a curse, but mostly I am grateful for my ability to forgive those. Especially those that I love that are suffering.