I wish addiction did not exist
Hi everyone, I'm hoping someone is able to give me some unbiased advice about what is happening in my life right now.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and met 6 years ago as friends. When we met- he was 19 and living a fast life on the streets dealing drugs and partying. He then got arrested and went to
prison for a couple years and when he came home we reconnected. It also helped that when he came home i was no longer with my ex boyfriend.
We had a pretty crazy first 6 months of our relationship then he was violated on his parole and went back to prison for 9 months. I was there for him through it all.
He then came home and our life was great. We were so deep in love and he was my best friend. I had never felt this connected to another person in my life. Then he got served with another case for something that "happened" in prison. After he got through the trial- he was found guilty. This is when he started using drugs very heavily. This is where is started and after he came home 9 months later from his second time in prison- it seemed he was doing well. He was back at his parents house and working. This didn't last long.
(His drug of choice is cocaine. He gets drunk and then that triggers him to want all the cocaine- and when he cant get coke he will take pills. Xanax are a big one. He will sell drugs to keep this habit going. )
He would take my car in the middle of the night and go to the city we grew up in where all of his drug connections were and would disappear until I used someone else's car to go track my car down. This happened over 5 times throughout the course of our relationship.
He has stolen thousands of dollars from me and destroyed a rental car of mine, leaving me a 1200 bill, has stolen from our loved ones, and all around has had his share of destroying everyone and everything in his path in order to feed his addiction.
7 months ago I determined I had enough- as much as I loved him and cherished the times we spent together that were GOOD (when it was good it was beyond amazing, which is what kept me holding on so long), I was helpless and could not control or fix him from this addiction. I finally opened my eyes that he was an addict.
Fast forward 6 weeks later- he called me and told me he needed help and was ready to seek the help he needed. I was so happy I cried. He wasn't dead and he wanted to get better. I picked him up, detoxed him at home for 10 days, and then brought him to the firehouse to check into a program.
That following week he began his outpatient program. He got a job and was truly sober for the first time in a long time (he wasn't drinking). Fast forward to 4 days ago.
After 5 months of seeing him happier and healthier than I had ever seen him- I began to trust him again. I trusted him enough to keep my car while I was in las vegas for work for 3 days. He brought me to the airport and I was fully expecting him to pick me up 3 days later.
However the next day I found out he slipped and had done drugs again and was allegedly sleeping around with one of his drug friends. When he goes on these binges he avoids me at all costs. He doesn't answer my texts or calls- claiming he cant talk and we can talk when he picks me up from the airport.
Needless to say- at 3am I was stuck at the airport because he wasn't there and his phone was off. I took a $100 Lyft ride to my apartment and crawled inside through the window to find my apartment had been used for cigarette and drug smoking festivities. There were my clothes and shoes worn and strewn across my apartment with long red hairs on them (my hair is brown). I was broken.
2 hours later my godmother picked me up and I went to the city to drive around and find my car. I finally found it and now it's been 1 days since I got my car back.
I'm lost because he is truly an amazing man aside from this addiction. It is like he is taken over by this devil that just eats the man i know and love. I have worked to see him and his addiction as separate things and i am so deeply in love with HIM but i hate his addict. The addiction has ruined my life, our life, and his life. This relapse has broken my heart because the past 5 months have been the best months of my life. I had my soulmate back in mylife.
I have told him I love him until the end and my heart breaks for him but that I cant be his safety net anymore to fall back on. I am so scared tho that he will die or go back to prison. I want his life to be full and happy- and I know that he hates being an addict and wishes he could just not. He is extremely intelligent and amazing and I dont want to just leave him but cant be brought down by his addiction anymore. I dont want him to feel he has noone in his corner supporting him. I dont know what the right thing to do here is. I just want the man I love back.