Bumble - we all suck at this thing, until we finally separate ourselves entirely from it. These guys here have more experience and knowledge than I do.
But I've seen your posts and the fact you have a family and kids etc. I've leveraged my guilt and regret over being a drunk dad to finally putting the poison down for good. I don't mean to pick on that aspect of your drinking, but I know that it worked for me - finally being able to say that yes, I did screw up for a long period of my son's life, but no more - I am going to be sober and present and be an example to him of what discipline and the right life lived well means.