Firstly.... Welcome.
Everything you say is right. Youre not going mad. Your husband is an alcoholic. He is powerless when it comes to alcohol and once he starts, he cant stop. However only he can make the decision to stop...and stay stopped. You need to look after yourself. I am the alcoholic. Ive stopped. You will get a lot of advice here from the friends and family of alcoholics and i hope you find some sense of what is best for you. All the best. Xx