Confused and lonely wife of an alcoholic
My husband has struggled with controlling his intake of alcohol for about 9 years. It's never just one or two drinks - it's always every last drop in the house.
I had thought he had a drinking problem for years and tried to tell him that but he always disagreed so I doubted myself. Plus, we were in our early twenties. That's what everyone did. Him - more than others and at a far bigger rate but it was bordering 'normal.' He told me - just because I drink less than him doesn't mean that I am right and he is wrong. I mean, it made sense at the time so I was always able to forget about it until the next casual evening out that he got wasted at.
About a month after we were married, he admitted that he thinks he does have a problem, and that he has been looking at attending an AA meeting. I was obviously upset, but also a bit relieved as I felt like I hadn't been paranoid. I knew there was something wrong, and I should have listened to my gut.
He quit alcohol and attended 2 meetings. He was very lonely during this time. He didn't tell anyone, no friends or family, so it made it very difficult. Then after 7 months, he decided that he didn't think he had a problem, because people who had problems weren't able to quit like he had. So we agreed to special occasions only - no alcohol in the house, no alcohol at minor events etc.
Obviously, as I have read a few articles that show me that we are not alone in this, it slowly turned into every weekend. Then during the week. Then alcohol in the house. Then, he was drunk when I came home one night and we were about to go out for a friends birthday. What happened to one or two? Or special occasions only like weddings? Its all out the window and hes drunk, spitting on me as hes talking and running around the bar, telling me hes not coming home cos hes going to the casino.
I was furious. At him and at myself for letting it get out of hand again. This used to be my every weekend, every Friday and Saturday. Then he lays in bed all day Saturday and Sunday. I can't go back to that. He had only been drinking again for 2 months. I know it is his own doing but I also feel like I should have noticed earlier and put a stop on things. I just keep doubting myself because we are only 28. We don't know one person with these issues. Drinking is normal in our families and circles. I find myself wondering if he even HAS an issue because I have it in my head that alcoholics don't have jobs and are drunk 24/7. Then other times, like the other night, it's so obvious that his relationship with alcohol is toxic.
He has stopped again. He cried to me 2 weeks ago that he is out of control again and he has been looking at AA meetings around our area. Again, I was upset but relieved. He said that he was so scared to admit he has a problem because then he has to actually stop and he was so lonely last time.
Then it makes it very difficult when I tell my friends so I can get support but they say they don't think he has a problem. Firstly, they have no idea about alcoholism, just as I didn't before I was forced to look into it. And they don't know what he says to me - how he can't stop thinking about the next drink, he counts down the hours until he can have a drink, he can't stop himself once he starts, he physically cannot have just one or two, he is controlled by the next drink. Yet they tell me they don't think he has a problem!!! It makes me feel insane! Makes me doubt whether he does, or if I have made a big deal out of nothing.
I guess I just want some confirmation from people who have been through it. I have asked him to see a drug and alcohol councillor but he isn't keen on that idea. I now feel lonely. I am scared to tell someone in case I get that same reaction.. I shouldn't have to convince my friends he has a problem so I can get support. Perhaps they said that to try and defuse the situation, make it less than it is. But it just came across like I was making a big deal out of nothing and am stopping my husband from drinking when that is not what is happening at all!!
I just feel alone and I just want to hear from others who know what I'm talking about...