Originally Posted by
Jess2014 
I finally stood up to my alcholic mother. Is the acronym AM? Still trying to figure that out after reading posts. Anyways, I’m going to use AM for now. The thing is, I have done this in the past where I tell her all my grievances after a particular night of her drinking. But not this time. I’ve let it go for years. My immediate family tiptoes and pretends everything is ok, just don’t say anything to mom to make her mad. Especially don’t ask about the alcoholism. I have a 5 month old now. My mom doesn’t make an effort to see her even though we live 5 minutes away. But when we do stop by on Sundays, I never know what state she’s going to be in. Most of the time shes very hungover and hasn’t gotten dressed since the day before. I finally blew up and told her I don’t want her in my life or my daughters unless she gets help. I know this is never going to happen so what am I doing saying this. The worse part is is that my dad asked why would I say all that to my mom? She didn’t drink the night before, she was good and happy that day. My sister said why would I do this to my mom, she’s accepted she’s an alcholic why can’t I? I don’t want my daughter seeing me upset over my dysfunctional family when she’s old enough to understand. I spend too much energy on it. I want free from all of it. But then I think back to well, I love my mom and my stupid family. I keep flip flopping. I was so proud of myself for choosing to finally say something but now I know why I never do. I get shut down and become the bad guy in the family.
I can totally relate to everything you said. So many things I could post here, I love my mom so much, more than life itself, but her drinking can make me crazy, brings back horrible memories, can make me hate myself at times, make me despise her on a dime, make me want to jump off a bridge. Everything will be going perfect, she'll be great, and I know that exact glass that's going to change everything, and I can feel my insides want to burst. It's the worst feeling in the world.
I don't know whether to scream and yell at her, IIt's insanity. It makes me so sad. I miss those normal mom and daughter days.
It makes me feel like I'm crazy. She always gets up, dressed, does her make up, etc. though, so I feel even crazier.... LoL....
I don't have a kid, but I always wonder how different it would be if I had a kid...
In my opinion, though, you have every right to express your opinion.
Holding onto it will make you crazy. I did it for years, and it led to me cutting myself, having an eating disorder and eventually doing drugs to lose weight. The key for me was, expressing it, and now that you did, let it go. What I do now though, I do let it go. It's her choice, and I have to accept it. I do a lot of yoga, yoga has been my lifesaver.
I don't see her too often, but I do a lot of meditating and yoga and reminding myself that it's her stuff, her choices. But you DO have the right to your feelings, don't deny yourself of that. When you stop by on Sundays, you can control the visits. Maybe make them very short.
Or in your head have a plan B. I have learned to do that. Or when I see my mom, I know certain things are going to set me off, when she starts repeating herself 18 times, and asking me the same question, I have learned to just smile and nod, instead of in my head blowing up, (my normal immediate response) or I'll remember Oh I need to take the dog for a walk. lol, Or when she starts to argue with me, I have to go to the bathroom. Little coping skills I've had to learn in order to keep my sanity. I don't know, maybe all the wrong things, someone might say. But it has worked for me, because in the past, I did the same thing, got into some heated arguments, that used to lead to me cutting, or hurting myself....
Sending you big hugs....