Repulsed by the lies
Today was a bad day. geez.. where to begin? I am just so damn sick of being lied to. I am sometimes so consumed by the memories or all the now known lies. I've never been so betrayed. I've never let anyone treat me so badly for so long. It helps to come here and know people here understand. I guess I am going through a necessary process. Anger? Yes I am beginning to get very angry, very disgusted. He and I sorta had a phone tag (answering machine) fight today. I won't even bother with the details because it's just so typical. What it boils down to is me confronting him on another presumed lie and him denying it and me mouthing off (which I rarely have the guts to do) explaining that I have every reason to think he's lying since he's layed quite a few huge ones on me.
Yes I know I'm not supposed to even be talking to him! I broke that promise to myself. I've been such a sappy doormat to him that I just need for once to blow up at him. He won't care I know. His wife once actually beat him up in MY front doorway! Man, how white trash my life has been this last year.
A couple weeks ago there was a small bit of hope left and now, though angry, I am looking to a future totally w/o him.