Hi Savana,
Honey,....I love ya, I truly do. But, I see you flip flopping with your posts. First, you want him back, then you don't know, then...yeah, he is a little kid back to still feeling the need to rescue him.
Someone wise once told me that the ones that feel they need to rescue others, really are the ones that need the rescuing themselves.
I understand your loss............boy, do I!! At one time, both my kids left home and moved hundreds of miles away to college and a recording career. I didn't get to see them or talk to them for long periods in between. My ex abusive H used to always use my kids as pawns to hurt me and even though we had joint custody, he'd make himself judge and jury and decide when the kids should talk to me. He's now a 48 yr old LONELY man who never remarried and still calls the kids every day and they're 24 and 26!!! I talk to my kids alot now and we have a great relationship. They get annoyed with their Dad with not cutting the apron strings and the control thing.
It all comes full circle, Savana. Your son will someday wanna be with you and you'll be there for him. Hang on to that Hope.
You don't need A's in your life!!! They're self-centered, very draining, never gonna truly love anybody cuz they can't....kinda people. There are people out there that aren't A's. When you start feeling better about you.....you'll get to pick more healthier companions.
Do something for you, seriously. Something to pick you up and feel good about it even if it's a class, a group at church, sport activity........something. We don't have a guaranteed tomorrow. So, we need to do it today.
((hugs))