When I’m there visiting I see an evening cocktail or two, no more and never waking up late for work. But the anxiety this causes me is mind boggling, why? again? I need him to be ok, I have real life stuff to talk about, I hate waiting.
My issues and lack of being able to handle change and chaos I know affects him greatly— he’s told me so, he wants to be able to make it better but can’t.
my mind is racing tonght as I should be winding down to go to sleep. Why hasn’t he called me back tonight? Why am I not important ? Why am I second to that liquid again? I know these answers, but I keep riding along again
He’ll surface again I know this- 24 hours maybe? My constant worry is deafening.
I need him to be present, to be accountable.
Then you have picked the wrong guy to meet those needs. You are insecure and his drinking issue will never help that, it will only make it worse. You are needy of him while he is needy of the bottle, and that will always come first.
It’s as if you have picked someone who can never fulfill your needs. No matter how much time we invest into someone, no matter how much we feel we love them, we will never force that square peg into the round hole and make it all work out. It’s like trying to put two north pole magnets together, they repel and the magnets push each other away.