Sorry that you are in a painful situation like this. I was there too. I wish I had known about Alanon or this forum before I decided to get married to the guy. I don't come from an active alcoholism home: I had never seen the face of alcoholism. I do come from a dysfunctional home
Though. It made me a codependent. Anyway, 5 years into my marriage, things started going downhill. He did not feel like he needed any help. He was a binge drinker. Come to realize now when I filed for divorce and saw his documents that he had been buying and hiding alcohol throughout . We both have high paying jobs. Eventually though he was ok with me just being his caretaker and taking the focus off of my life. Thousands of fight later and living under the stress of not knowing if he was really at the business meeting after work - I could not deal with the stress anymore. His parents could not understand why I was being so difficult and just not accept the situation and learn to live with it.
You have a chance to take a look st yourself right now and learn why you are ok with being someone's caretaker or door mat. Why you are so hopeful about his " potential" when in this moment , his reality is all that you have and he is showing it to you very clearly. Read every post that you can here and decide for yourself if that's the future you want for yourself. My husband didn't start off as an abusive alcoholic. He did not start off as a reckless alcoholic. It was all part of the progression and the fact that I wanted to change him or saw his "potential" did not go down very well in the end. I was just an obstacle in the end that needed to be discarded no matter what. I thank my god that I did not have children with this guy. It would have made my leaving a thousand times more difficult . Save your dignity. You will be replaced the day you are between him and his habit. Save your sanity. You will be emotionally battered over time and you will start believing that you're not doing enough. Save your high paying job. You will become less functional because of stress and anxiety- it all happened to me . I am 32.