Day 4 down.
i have ZERO enthusiasm to drink ( but i know its coming, as sneaky as it always does)
TEXT MOOD - not sad or angry, just passive.
Today was a tough one, I worked on my own so unfortunately I was stuck with my mind, it definitely didn't give me a break.
I was meant to go to AA today. No excuse, i just didnt. I was abit taken back by the very depressive mood amongst the 14 members on Monday, and i will find another meeting within the next few days.
today i realized that i basically rode out that relationship on either a hangover or under the influence.. very minimal sober time, i came to the conclusion that her loss of respect for me was all because of that.
she only knew me as an alcoholic. And the sober time i DID have, she told me "you are the sweetest guy on earth....and then when you drink, you turn into this truck driver"
I will probably remember this for the rest of my life, what amazing advice it was, so cheezy but so true.
I still though... have my reasons for why I ended the relationship, her behavior was not perfect, neither was mine. We both crossed each other's lines many of times, and with that, resentment set in on both sides - I just merely got the ball rolling towards the end.
I am saddened that I will probably never see her again as i wanted to marry her if it had worked out, and the last time we saw each other was when she boarded her plane. She had no emotion, just that look, and vibe that you both know its over, and off she went through the gate.
But I guess time heals all wounds.
Amazed how i am only NOW starting to process everything after 4 months. Just goes to show how much I've been numbing myself.
Thats all to write due to the fact its the ONLY thing that hurricaned in my head all day.
Day 5 tommorow, can't wait, hope the wakeup isn't as bad as today, I opened my eyes and realized " oh great, reality"