If you get off of these you need to taper off, not cold turkey it, how you are surviving is amazing! You should be able to find a clinic or something in or near your town to help you,, I mean say you had them stashed just in case because you where scared. But get help and see about getting off of it, I am tapering off, I am on Kaiser and they want everybody off of the stuff, state mandated to do so eventually at least they say that or get you to as close as they can!