New here! Trying to help someone, but am I doing more harm than help?
Good day everyone,
I apologize if this post is lengthy, but I am feeling very lost and need proper guidance.
In the past year, I have gotten romantically involved with a friend. He has addictions to both cocaine and alcohol, which he acknowledges and wants to change. I was not aware of the severity until recent months, when he started opening up to me more.
He has significantly reduced the cocaine, but he continues to binge drink, get sober, and experience kindling / seizures.
Being fairly ignorant regarding addiction, I previously tried to be a neutral party. I wanted to create a safe, comfortable space for him.
A few times now, he has expressed a desire to start a relationship. Then he would disappear on me for a few weeks or a month. I would take it personally and get very upset with him (not nasty, I wouldn't put him down, but I would be angry and accuse him of playing me).
According to him, the only time he feels truly happy is when he is with me. But then he disappears because he knows that he can't be there for me in a meaningful way with his addictions. He will often say things like "I'm a piece of sh*t," or "I am no good."
I now realize that my actions may have been detrimental. He is such a very sensitive soul. And as much as it hurts, I care about him so much.
He will have seizures, be admitted to the hospital, they will tell him to stay long term for a detox, and he will check himself out against the doctor's advice.
He feels like he needs to do this alone. However from my research on kindling and his symptoms, it seems that he needs in-patient treatment immediately.
So, my questions are:
1. What are the long term effects of kindling?
2. What are the long term effects, and to symptoms last for life?
3. Is he better off without me in his life? Do I stay, or back off?
I want to be there to offer support and check up on him, but I fear that my being too pushy will drive him to more self-isolation.
On the other hand, if I disappear, he may feel rejected by me, which may lead him to drink.
Sorry again for the long post. Thank you for listening.