Originally Posted by
soberlicious 
You aren't questioning that fact, It is.
Here's the crux for me, plain and simple I see it as two truths. I don't want alcohol and the problems it brings for me. It does want alcohol and isn't concerned about the consequences. I have one agenda, it has another. The two agendas will never be reconciled and agreed upon. They don't have to be. I have the hands, so I win. It's got pretty much nothing except a bunch of talk that can seem scary and powerful, until it's exposed for what it really is- just a bunch of nonsense.
I've been thinking on it. I think a lot of my time prior to quitting drinking was spent not just drinking but the build-up to it. I remember practically being giddy when the day was over and my zone out time could begin. I agree with the thoughts earlier that I was excited for a false promise. And I admit I feel much more relaxed not drinking than I ever did drinking. Maybe the issue is one of literally being trained (like Pavlov the dog) to every day practically want to have a build up of a need like alcohol and then the satisfaction of meeting that need. "Aaaaaahhhhh. Home with the wine...." It's super not having that need to satisfy, that itch to scratch, anymore. But it's also bizarre when you've been satisfying it and itching it for over 20 years. It's like I'm not used to living at peace but also without the bursts of joy (even if it was false) I'd get when always seeking something, getting it, seeking something, getting it, seeking something, gettting it, ...