WL, I think you have too much remorse for your actions to qualify as a Sociopath.
What might actually turn things around for you is to do something really drastic like get into a long-term service-based rehab and get out of your current life,
which apparently affords you enough time and money to destroy yourself systematically.
I don't mean that unkindly, but I've read your posts for years, and it seems like you simply have too much time to ruminate and that isn't working for you.
You're an intelligent, capable person who is literally flushing away the many gifts you have.
At some point the physical self will give way, or you'll get so far down the rabbit hole of drink your lucid moments of realizing what you're doing will stop.
Please take action to take care of you before then.
You deserve so much more from life.