Originally Posted by
Hawkeye13 
I really started abusing alcohol due to caregiving my alcoholic mother alone.
Because I loved her, and witnessing her self-destruction and also her selfish acts towards me and others, I became a full-blown alcoholic to drown the pain of that.
That suggests I was capable of "love" and not a machine or unfeeling, self-absorbed creature because I continued to love, hurt, and care for her even
while I was in the midst of addictive drinking.
I think this reductionist thinking that all alcoholics are this or that,
are all liars, are all (you-fill-in-your-particular-blank) is
often unfair and divides rather than enlightens / empowers.
There is always a unique context, and there are always more complexities than can be easily quantified.
I agree that there is a common thread of selfishness and lying with addicts in general, but as someone who is a triple winner, I really am offended
by some of the assumptions of "facts" that are really not backed up by data.
Your experience is yours and valuable, but there are many cases and experiences which vary greatly.
I've met plenty of folks who may not have addiction problems but cannot connect or love others for other reasons.
They aren't all one uniform group either.
Landmarks aren't maps.
Hawkeye13, thank you so much for your response. I completely agree, to be careful not to paint with a broad brush.
Caring for a parent is a difficult and emotionally draining task. I can relate, in that my mom was a smoker. Her health was failing and, as the youngest of 5-children, I ended up taking on the role of her caregiver. My older siblings were incredibly angry with her. I played middle man to keep the peace. She did manage to quit smoking the last 6-years of her life. I was so proud of her! But it was a very difficult road to the end. I lived with her for 2 years, before she moved into assisted living for her last 2-years. She is sorely missed. I am a typical codie, because of it all.
I had posted earlier, another post, with my AXBF's story. It's crazy long...but it's here.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...time-post.html (So hard to walk away - First Time Post)
I am leaning toward that fact that he is likely a sociopath who just so happens to have a drinking problem.
My AXBF even said, "It's just easier to lie to you". He would pit me against other women, putting me in competition with them. It was awful. I have known other alcoholics and many of them are so kind and generous of heart. I think my AXBF has something more going on.
Thank you, again, for sharing.