Recovery
After a whole year of resisting my own recovery , I had to come to a point of complete submission and fall on my knees and beg my higher power to get me out of the pain I felt which was leading me to kill myself. My higher power led me to start working the steps for myself this time. It is the best gift I am giving myself. I have days of happiness now. My obsession about my qualifier is fading slowly but surely. I am staarting to see and feel that I deserve so much better than what my qualifier was ever capable of providing - he never seemed recovery. Yes he was providing a stable income and the fancy lifestyle but beyond that there was nothing. No empathy. No concern. No humanness. I had to step into the rooms of recovery to truely start seeing my part. Why was I obsessed with a human being who was treating me badly? Why was I accepting unacceptable behavior? What in my past taught me to be ok with such behavior ?
Do yourself a favor and get recovery for yourself. Whatever it may look like. I promise it is worth it. It might not look pretty. But it is so worth it to be able to actually feel feelings for once in a healthy manner. To accept my past and make peace with it. To put myself first.