Hello,
Well you've made a great first step in wanting to get better and taking your first action towards a good, healthy life. When you break the cycle and get sober...most of those feeling will go away as you learn to move forward and forgive yourself. As well as making any amends you might owe others when you are in a better place.
I'm a binge drinker myself, I understand how easily one drink becomes 10! Or usually I don't know until the next day how much I drank until I count the bottles after a blackout night. It's awful, the pits, the WORST feeling possible. Shame, regret, etc - it eats us up from the inside out.
BUT, I promise you this, if you decide to get help and get sober - those feelings will dissipate over time and soon it will all be in the rear view mirror, not to be forgotten, but you will learn to truly forgive yourself and make any amends you might have when you are in a better place.
My advice is to seek medical help in order to safely detox. It's very dangerous to just stop after a binge and it could cause seizures or even death.
I took myself to the ER exactly 3 weeks ago and they gave me medication to calm my central nervous system and sleep. I still suffered an additional 4-6 days where I would sweat all night, nightmares, etc..but I didn't drink because I knew I was already on the other side and going back would have led me to death or FAR worse consequences than I had already racked up.
I even called an ambulance instead of any Uber because I knew I was in trouble, good thing because when I arrived to ER, they took my blood and it came back a .38 BAC. I was close to the end. I will have to pay A LOT more for the ambulance over the Uber, but I knew my life was worth it - and yours is too!!
Please check back in and let us know how you're doing - you'll find some great support here.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!