He left me wounded for the rest of my life
My parents weren't alcoholic but there's a lot of dysfunction and hurt in my childhood.
I decided about ten years ago that I'd hurt enough.
I deliberately cut contact with my family, had some counselling got sober and generally built the kind of life I wanted.
All those things that happened to me in the past I still remember but they no longer hurt me. Carrying them around for 40 years was long enough.
I've grown, I changed and I have a great life that I've built with my own two hands, a glad heart and a clear head.
I'm sure that you could do the same spintires.
One of the best books I've ever read on forgiveness is Wm Paul Youngs
The Shack.
This resonated with me and I hope it resonates with you too.
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.........Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation.........Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......”
― William Paul Young, The Shack
I had to give up thoughts of payback and restitution - not because they weren't valid or justified but because holding on to those expectations and seeing them unfulfilled was hurting me.
Sometimes I think we have to let go and let God?
I was hurt as a child - I'll be damned if I'll let myself be hurt as an adult too.