Once we've really internalized one simple truth, our path forward becomes crystal clear: we can't drink, at all. Once that fantasy of control is finally shattered, you can start figuring out how to stay away from even one single drink. Because we know there's no such thing as one or two...and besides, what would be the point?!
I hope your experiment has yielded conclusive proof that you're "one of us." Glad to see you coming back for support and understanding.