Originally Posted by
Oregongirlsite 
I have been trying hard to manage it, be moderate, show myself I can do it...
That's been the pattern. To give in to the obsession, to the addictive voice, with the promise that
this time will be different.
So you need to add to your plan. That is, if you have a plan. If not, then create one. One that will account for the cravings. Every one who is sober has gotten past them. You can too.
What else can you do to get and stay sober? Have you rejected a formal program of recovery, like AA? Perhaps it is time to embrace what our addiction fears, and get help.