Westgirl.....I, also, think it might be a good idea for you to be the one to leave for the immediate future. When you have reached the point where you find yourself behaving out of your own c haracter....that is a big sign that you are in an environment that is destructive to you. Sounds like your usual coping mechanisms have been worn completely down. Prolonged time in a crazy and dysfunctional situation can bring out the dysfunctional in us....
It is important to remember that you need to put your own welfare first.....
You are responsible for yourself...it rests on your shoulders....because, who else is going to do it? Your husband can't even do it for himself, right now...so, you can't count on him.
I think you could use some time and space away from him in order to collect yourself and clarify your thoughts and feelings.....