Originally Posted by
Babescake 
I agree with this and what others are saying that I can only work on myself and not control how he thinks or feels. I'm responsible for explaining things to my son as well. It would just be so much easier if each side could understand each other. But 'tis life and I'll just cope the best I can. Thanks for allowing me to come to this side of the fence and ask my question.
^^^^^
You sound like you are doing really well Babescake in spite of the relapse. Congrats on every bit of learning and health you have achieved so far. I'm sure this is all very hard won.
As others have said, you asked him to go; he refused; now is the time to drop it.
As you may have noticed (-; we codependents are not necessarily any healthier than the alcoholic. Some might be but who can tell. Like alcoholics, we have our own path to walk and our own time frame and pace for learning. I figure we are all somewhat experiential learners and can only figure it out with time and trial.
I had to get away from the external train wreck of my ABF in order to look at the internal train wreck of my own psyche. There is no way I would have examined it around him. . . . pretty much didn't even know it existed.
One day at a time brave lady. You got this.