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Scramm This Naked Mind is a good read. According to the author, she drinks whenever she wants. She just never wants to drink. If we could all get to that point. I think many of us have been down the same path you describe and every time we say "never again". Perhaps it is finally coming to a firm conviction that you will never again drink. Maybe it takes hitting bottom wherever that may be. I'm still trying to figure that out if anyone can enlighten me
I read the book. The author has some great points and her research is well documented. It certainly makes you scared of alcohol, but for me the book itself didn't lead to any conviction to abstain, though it certainly provided enough good reasons. I may go back and reread it. It is encouraging,