4Thorns

So...My original plan to was go 100 days sober then re-evaluate my drinking. And I was doing fine. Then somewhere around day 55, the 'voice' started. Reminding me of the good and somehow glossing over the bad of my drinking. I started to look forward to that 100 day mark so I could enter a new life of moderation. I had proven that I could quit so I didn't have a problem, right? At around day 65 we went on vacation overseas. By the time we landed at our destination, I had officially justified drinking on the trip, since it was 'vacation'. During the 10 day trip, I drank every day. It was fine at first, but then the insidious patterns came right back. The 'itch' to get that first drink in me. The uneasiness, whatever we were doing, about when I could get a drink next. Trying to figure out how to sneak a quick one early in the day before we headed out to do whatever fun thing we had planned. The crappy sleeps. Each day I slid further into my old ways.

I thought a lot on that plane ride home and I finally realized and accepted that I had to quit drinking forever. Any attempts at moderation are foolish for me, no matter how hard the 'voice' tries to convince me otherwise. And I realized how much happier I am when I don't have that 'itch' always begging to be scratched. When I can enjoy what I am doing without the anxiety of needing a drink hanging over me.

So, today I am grateful that I relapsed. It taught me a very important lesson about myself and turned a failed 100 day experiment into a commitment to forever.

Proudly on day 13 and never looking back.

Love and peace,
4Thorns