Thank you. I know that the person he is right now is not who I want to be married too. I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that this is who he is now when i still see parts of the person he was before all of this happened. He would have never done anything like this before he started using and we had a good relationship. I hang onto the hope that he will stop using and be the person he once was. And truthfully I feel crazy for even considering forgiving him once again...if someone that i was close to were in my shoes I wouldn't hesitate to tell them to end it so why do I think so differently about my own relationship?
I went to individual therapy for a bit when we first split and am wanting to get back to that. It's difficult to find the time/childcare and money (stupid high deductible health insurance) but it's something I think I need right now to work through all of this.