TLC
I broke away from my addict in June of last year. I honestly have no clue how I mustered the strength to do it. The first couple months were excruciatingly painful for me. I suffered from anxiety attacks daily sometimes several in a day. It was extremely difficult to focus on either my personal or work life.
I thought of her non stop day & night. Thoughts of our good times, thoughts of bad times, thoughts of what might happen to her, thoughts of love & missing her. These thoughts consumed me.
Time away has helped me. Several months out now things are better for me. Time away will help you - please give it time.
I have also come to accept the following:
I fell deeply in love with a very broken person. She is an active addict. She does not seek sobriety or recovery.
She does not have a problem. I have the problem. Therefore I cannot have a healthy relationship with her.
What happened between us was not all her fault. I fully accept my responsibility for all that I did wrong. It wasn't all on her. She is what she is & I fully knew all that she is good & bad.
She will always be a part of who I am. We had a very emotional relationship. I am forever changed by her.
I will always love her & care about her.
For me, acceptance of the above has helped me get her & our relationship into a more quiet & peaceful place inside me. The terrible turmoil feelings have subsided.
I have had to take very small steps to get where I am now. I am not all better but I am much better than I was before. I still try my best to focus on small things. Just going outside always helped a bit & Ive done it during the day, night, late night, early morning.
There is hope for you. I didn't know if I was going to live or die. Today I am living & doing ok. You sound like an intelligent woman who understands the situation. As was the case with me, you have been given a lot of good quality advice here on SR. Please give yourself time to heal.