Originally Posted by
SoberMe83 
I do finally want to be sober and get her forgiveness. I've tried to deny this for s long time that I needed help or that I could control it. I went thru something similar a few years ago with the excess drinking and blackouts while lying to her about it and going out when I was away for about 3 months out of a 6 month trip.
I stopped drinking and went to church every weekend until the end of that trip, which helped immensely. Thought I was fine. Came back and gradually has come back. Lately, I have been having more drinks at home while doing work also.
Typing the beginning of my post made me realize that this has been an issue for a long time but took something as stupid and horrible as this to see it.
I need to be sober so those don't happen again, that I don't wind up in a ditch or worse, need to be there for my kids and my wife, if it still works out. Even then, I know that this thing will not go away on its on or, at this point, attempt to be semi-controlled.
Well, this can be your rock bottom, if you choose for it to be.
Why not look up the AA meetings in your area and go along and try it for at least a month to see if it helps? (you can't really tell just by the first couple of meetings). As you work away at times AA is a good option as there will be meetings nearby that you can attend in most places you go to, so instead of hitting the bars and casino rather than being alone and lonesome you could go visit a ready made recovery-family in a meeting instead. It really does make a big difference to have that support when travelling and temptation may come in ways we aren't so used to.
You don't need to dig any further down if you don't want to. Every drink you pick up is like brandishing the shovel and digging deeper. The choice is yours.
BB