Horn, I hope things are better today. I was puzzled about your reference to a decision and the AA Big Book.
I was powerless over alcohol. I made the decision to stop hundreds of times, but couldn't make it stick. Could that be because I was powerless over alcohol?
Eventually I made a decision to join AA in order to stop the misery. I never made a decision to stop drinking. Reference to such a decision appears nowhere in the basic text. The nearest thing I could find was "We assume the reader wants to stop" There is a good deal of reference to making firm resolutions (decisions) to not drink and failing with that approach. A desire to stop and a willingness to go to any lengths is the main thrust of the program, again because our decisions have not stood up.
My most important decision, it turns out, was the step three decision, which lead me on to the rest of the steps. By the time I was at step nine the problem was removed and with it went the need for any choice or decision.
I was never able to make a decision to stop stick. So it was pointless to try. With the problem removed, I wake up each day with no thought about whether to drink or not. I lost the power of choice a long time ago and I never got it back. Instead I have been placed in a position where I don't even think about making a choice. No decision required. That's the miracle of it.