Welcome 3Trees. Gah, that self-loathing and shame! Horrible stuff to wake up to. I remember it well. It's a lonely, cold and dark place.
That self-loathing and shame hung around for a bit when I stopped drinking as well, but I found that as time went by and I hadn't added any more fuel to the fire of self-hatred I became stronger in my resolve and was able to start making amends (with the support of an AA sponsor). There's still a few to make as there are some folk I may never see again. But if I DO see them, I'll be ready to make that amends. And even that willingness helps me to clear the wreckage and start to see and feel the sunlight.
I hope that you will do your self justice and stop the drjnking so you can learn to love yourself again, and find the happiness that your mum would want you to have.
God bless.
BB