Gottalife

You are not alone Horn. When the obsession comes back, the last thing we will do is call anyone. It doesn't come to mind. Part of the insidious nature of the illness. It is why we use the term "beyond human aid". No one seems to be able to keep us sober. No one has just the right words to change our lives. That's powerless.

You have expressed an asipration, very strongly, but it seems you lack the power to carry it through. Desire is not enough I found.

I am not sure about the multiple painful decisions. That is not my experience. It was painful to concede that self reliance had failed me, that alcohol had me beat. That is step one and a lot of us fight it to the last. It wasn't so hard to find a willingness to believe a power greater than myself could possibly help me like he had helped the many other sober alcoholics I met in AA.

Then can a decision in step 3 which I have made only once and never gone back on. That was to appoint a new manager, and take the remaining steps to make that appointment a permanent and reliable part of my existence. That wasn't hard or painful, it was a relief to get rid of the clown that had been trying to run things.

One thing I have never needed to do is make a decision on a daily basis to not drink. Experience told me I lacked the power to carry that off so why even go there?

My decision was about working the rest of the steps and sincerely seeking the Power that could solve my problem. When I did that, the obsession left me. JME