Some weeks ago I had felt it was time to tackle the eating situation. I didnt want to put too much stress on this primarily because I had read a few posts around here (whilst munching various snacks which prompted me to buy a compressed air canister to remove the crumb debris from my keyboard). A few peeps had said that eating had helped with their alcohol cravings so 'Hey Ho' one day at a time.
So the eating plan probably lasted about 6 hours and, around the same time I would normally have poured my first glass of wine, my brain was badly twitching. Whenever I got into the kitchen my brain lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of bread and my dopamine receptors were doing a dance
"Oh you like that don't you...it makes you happy" and off I went on the binge train.
I read a little about lateral addiction. Replace one with another and felt I had probably gone from cigarettes/alcohol to food and possibly the food one was the first (reward good child behaviors/comfort eating yadeyadeyah.
It is bugging me now. Life is good now I dont have the alcohol in it but similar feelings of "Today will be a healthy eating day!" soon turns into a constant back and forth to the kitchen from about 2pm onwards. I am probably only keeping my daily step count up because I am carving this track, to and fro, eyeing whats in the kitchen I can nibble on. And dont get me wrong it isnt junk food. Some of it is but I can also just sit and eat fruit, nuts and seeds, yogurt, whatever! I have this constant gnawing in my head that there is something that can be fixed by snacking. Anyway not being one to throw in the towel I happened across this book. What a freaking nuisance - I've bought it and waiting for it to arrive but I can read a sample on my phone as follows:
The Hunger Fix - Pam Peeke.
"The addiction develops like this: Think of a river during a flood. The water charges over the banks, taking down trees and houses along the way. Continued dopamine flooding in the brain works the same way. The pathway between the ventral tegmental and the nucleus accumbens areas of the brain floods with dopamine again and again. The brain thins it has "too much" dopmine - so the brain to compensate for this overabundance by battening down the hatches, decreasing the total number of dopamine receptors to lesson the amount of dopamine your brain absorbs. The "down regulation" decimates receptors in a variety of brain regions, particularly your limbic system, the site of motivation and emotions.
After this down regulation, your brain demands you eat greater and greater amounts of the same foods to elicit the same dopamine "rush". You have an insatiable hunger for more and more (tell me about it Pam). But the sad irony is, the more you feed the craving with False Fixes, the less satisfaction you feel - because each time you flood the brain, additional receptors get wiped out. And the relentless hunger persists.
Ive got to wait for the damn book to arrive to do the three stage detox and recovery. (does that mean whilst waiting I can eat my weight in Easter Eggs?
Be assured sober bunnies of the t'interweb that's some weight!)
Anyway I am holding out for a cure. I maybe posting on here hourly as the last few dopamine receptors i have left standing start screaming at me...and maybe when the chaos has died down I will grow new ones?
