Welcome to the forum. Sorry you're struggling at the moment.
Lots of passive aggressive behaviour can be a sign of codependency, so it might be worth having a look to see it you recognise any of the patterns on here...
http://www.coda-uk.org/index.php?pag...-co-dependency
If you do, or if you just think it's worth further exploration, I'd recommend Melody Beattie's book, Codependent No More, and the CODA (Codependent Anonymous) Handbook, and you could even check out some meetings near you.
I also agree that the first two counselling sessions are likely to just touch the tip of the iceberg. The counsellor needs a chance to get to know you both and understand your relationship before they can start to help you grow together.
I personally am convinced that prayer is one of the most powerful tools we can draw on. You are married, and can ask God to be the third person in your marriage any time you like, asking that he bind you together in love, and tilt both your perspectives so that you can have the willingness to work together in this marriage. Love is not just gazing into each other's eyes after all, it's looking outwards together in the same direction.
You sound like you want to work on this, and you CAN. Blame isn't really helpful though. It just makes us more fearful of finding out more. However, it can be empowering to simply accept our part in things, and see that if we were the cause of something failing or our own demise, then we can equally be the catalyst for change, and be the cause of things succeeding or growing positively. Its just a case of learning new and better ways than the ones we had learned before. And there are so many people we can learn from once we have found the willingness to change.
BB