StevenSlate

Well, that's not really exactly how I said it. People can set whatever rules and limits they want for themselves, but I didn't say that fifth drink bit in a rules-making context. I was just saying that you can know 4 is working good for you in that moment, and not choose a fifth drink because you don't believe it would really make you happier.

I can definitely think of cases where people would make a drink limit. As I mentioned earlier, I know of many people with drinking problems who can pinpoint the number of drinks it takes them to get to blackout, and who want to stop having blackouts. You might only drink once in a blue moon, but decide you'll never go past 4 drinks for that reason. The comment was not meant to suggest 4 drinks daily, and I know you didn't exactly say that, but I want to make sure I clarify. It was about the overall power you have to figure out what works for you and decide what to do, whether that be on a permanent or case by case basis.

I do not have a numbered drink limit in my own life - and I definitely don't drink 4 drinks per day, although there are definitely occasions where I will have 4 drinks. I drink on nights when I want to and when it fits into my life well, and don't drink on nights when I don't want to or when I might have a mild desire to drink but don't think it would fit into my overall life well. I generally do not drink during the day, because I don't find it to be an overall enjoyable experience, except for once in a while on vacation. What I'm getting at is that I don't overthink my own drinking at all. Like the average person, I do it when it works for me, to the degree that it works for me. But that's me. Whenever I focused on moderation and made a big plan of it with lots of rules back in the day when I had a substance use problem, I found that I'd become more obsessed with it, more troubled, and decide to go more off the rails. If you want a diary of my drinking, I had 0 on Monday, 2 on Tuesday, 1 last night, and have no idea whether I will choose to have any or not tonight, because it is a non-issue that I do not overthink. I have no plan other than to drink or not drink to the degree that these choices add to my life rather than detract from it. I stopped relying on intoxication as my key to life 16 years ago.

I can smell a snarky comment coming (not necessarily from you) that says the above paragraph makes it seem like I think about it a lot. If this is someone's reaction to that, please recognize that I'm in a position now where I was asked to answer about my personal "plan," and to answer to that question, I now have to sit here and detail think about how best to describe it. But I really don't think about it a lot. I really do just drink or don't drink as it works, because I have left behind every last vestige of the identity of a weak or powerless addict. I didn't use intoxicants for over 4 years before I decided to drink. For 2 of those years, I was in the library downloading and studying countless journal articles about addiction/alcoholism research as I tried to write my own book about the subject. All of that studying put the final nail in the coffin on the possibility of an addict identity for me. I don't approach alcohol with the idea of "moderating" in the way that "addicts and alcoholics" think of it. I understand that might be confusing, but I approach it as someone who has never "lost control" of my substance use and with the knowledge that loss-of-control over substance use is not a possibility. [this is not say I didn't use destructively in the past, or that I didn't ever feel out of control - but I realized eventually I was always in control]

Drinking to a degree that I regret is a possibility with me as much as it is with anyone who ever drinks whether or not they've ever had a problem with drinking. But I don't drink to a degree that I regret because I'm experienced and not a 21 year old rushing into a bar for the first time. I am 42 years old. I don't resist. I don't stop myself. I don't walk around debating whether or not to drink all day. I just don't want amounts of alcohol that won't make me happy, because I have learned what "works" for me.

Would I ever consider heroin as an option? I don't, for a multitude of reasons, including that I am not interested in it. As I mentioned earlier, I have had to take many opioid painkillers post-surgery and did not find it to be a feeling I am interested in having any more. I would only use opioids as needed for pain relief. If I ever did consider heroin or recreational opioid use as an option, I don't think I'd run and do it at the drop of a hat - and I say this also in response to previous comments by others that see TFM as a system where the moment you have a whim to use you just run and do it. TFM encourages you to consider the happiness value of a choice in both the immediate and long-term, and recognize the possibility of choices that unite both - it doesn't encourage impulsivity. All that said, I doubt I'll ever consider heroin or non-medical prescription opioid use anyways.

Again, I want to make sure I speak to the suspicion I've seen expressed throughout this thread that TFM keeps people teetering on the edge. If you define happier options as momentary whims only, then sure, a focus on the happier option might keep some people teetering on the edge. We spend a lot of time defining happier options as much more than that in the book though. Readers know we aren't recommending they run around impulsively reacting to any given whims they might have with no thought of the bigger picture. If they somehow read the whole book and come out with that impression, then they're hearing only what they want to hear.