Originally Posted by
Wishes 
It makes sense, LastChance. The activity is an excuse to drink. We grow to have many excuses to drink. It is making me think.. I haven’t been happy with the job for a long time and when off work, I’m often alone. I used wine to numb the stress as well as the lonesomeness. Wine became my friend. A friend you can’t trust I might add. Being alone became enjoyable so I could keep drinking. Keeping the crappy job was also an enabler. Ohhhh interesting stuff!
I have a question on the AV. To me, the AV is me. It is my own head and my own self. I haven’t wanted to talk to it like it is some alien that took over my mind. Therefore I never picked up on using the term. Do I have it all wrong? Are my thoughts from the stigma that alcoholism is the fault of the drinker? Maybe I need to treat it like the disease it is instead of something I’ve done to myself? Or is it both? I also know that different methods work for different folks. Most curious how it helps others I guess. I’ve failed at quitting several times and want to win this time. I want to consider new ways to help.
There are many schools of thought, but AVRT seems to be the most dominant. It’s very complex and I don’t begin to understand it fully. I’m like you, the AV is me, but a small (but sometimes LOUD) part of me. What I have finally realised about myself after three previous attempts (and relatively reasonable levels of sobriety in between) is that my reason to drink was to feel happier. If I was down, I’d drink to feel happy. If I was happy, I’d drink to feel happier. Before booze it was drugs, but the same patterns and reasons. Luckily (and I know it’s cetainly not the case for everybody) is that I’m now ultimately happier sober. The negatives of drinking now outway the benefits. It wasn’t always this way, but it certainly is at this point in my life. So I have to keep remembering that. Again, this is my reasons and I’m aware that a lot of people won’t relate to this. I would say this: this site has SO many resources apart from the forums. Information about how to formulate a plan that might work for you. I think I’ve only read about 10% of what this incredible place can offer in terms of practical advise. So many people here have beaten it, and they’re here to help. I truly wish you luck on your journey, you can win. stay close!