Hi SurvivorK,
6 years of recovery is great and I'm sure you can get back on your recovery journey. I do understand how exhausting the secrets and lies become. You are absolutely right that this is something you must do for yourself.
I think it's important to make lifestyle changes to support your recovery. Since your kids are older now, are there things that you enjoy doing? I got back to simple things like reading, listening to music, walking a lot and doing yoga. What would bring you a bit of joy each day?