Thank you JayTee for the words of wisdom and letting me know that the depression and anxiety will lift, I just worry this is my punishment now for my relapses. I screwed it all up. I'm such a worrier.
Congratulations on your new recovery journey, stick with it, from experience, its something I took for granted. The time we are sober is magical. And the people you help in just being an example never ends. I have to remember that myself. I want to do the work this time. I do not want to be in that place of shame and embarrassment and secrets, lies. It's so exhausting. I appreciate your kind words about self-esteem and pride. I'm going to keep coming back here, its what I need. A community at your fingertips that understand.
Blessings to you on your continued recovery! You can do it. You already are!