All of my relapses started with a single thought: "I could..." It wasn't even that I wanted to; just the idea that I could go to the store, etc...I would let that thought instantly turn into "I'm going to..." and it was over with, I was gone.
Today, "I could" is a huge flashing neon danger sign in my mind. The only right response today is "No, you can't." Debate closed. Next order of business.
Happy to see you back and fighting!