I hear you. I had a relapse last month &like you figured it would just be a little to numb my feelings (my dad passed away in September & his b-day was last month). Bad decision-went into full blown alcoholic mode. Blackouts. Can't tell you how horrible the withdrawal was, by far one of the worst. Couldn't get out of bed. Try explaining that to your teen kids. Hubby had to do everything. He was like "you're like a person who keeps putting your finger in an electric socket over and over and not learning that you'll get the same result ".
Now I have the mentality of enough is enough,sick & tired of being sick & tired . Onward & upward!